Monday, December 5, 2011

The Sophomore Disease

As translated from Komica:

1. Says often "The hell am I gonna do with polynomial factoring?"
2. Says often "Adults are disgusting."
3. Starts looking for "true" friends.
4. Insists to mother "respect mah privacy!"
5. After dinner, goes out on aimless strolls.
6. Still doesn't know what clothes look good with what.
7. "I've graduated from JUMP." and then goes to read young jump.
8. Proud to possess porn.
9. Suddenly starts to rate the taste of ramen.
10. Researches on all kinds of strange OGC styles.
11. Gets strangely aroused to any picture with a star blurring some parts.
12. Uses "Old mother" or "that person in my house" to address mother. If female, will use "that person" to address father.
13. Thinks it's shameful to put sugar in coffee.
14. If something desired cannot be found in bag or desk, goes into despair.
15. Decides to give up the monk's hairstyle, but doesn't know any styles to their liking, so they one day suddenly just part their fringes.
16. For their (female) classmates, they suddenly arrive at the conclusion "as long as you got money, you can fuck them."
17. Seeing popular bands, will say "I knew they'll be popular." and then get pissed for no reason.
18. Starts to listen to western music.
19. When mother seems to wants to say something, will say loudly "I know!" and refuse to actually listen.
20. On Saturdays, will ask mother "Screw breakfast, just give me some cash."
21. Starts to like buying coffee from vending machines, but only buys one or two cans.
22. Imagines themselves as a harem protagonist.
23. Says "I won't fap to a girl I actually like."
24. Says "Anything is better than white collar." frequently.
25. Uses these references: "white collar -> Gears" "Police->Bitches of Power." "School -> NTAC factory."
26. Doubts the Grad Ceremony, "What exactly did we graduate from?"
27. Even without a license, will plan to buy cars, mod cars, and starts to read relevant magazines.
28. With a certain degree of understanding of society, will blurt out "America is dirty."
29. When looking at idol pictures, will make a "Best 10 to have as a younger sister." list
30. Doesn't smoke, but has a flameless lighter anyway.
31. Wants to go joyriding, but never really stole a car.
32. Thinks that you can do anything if you try.
33. Wants to shave the nethers when they see it in the shower.
34. Wants to go on a self-funded journey, but never found enough money.
35. Doesn't know shit about music theory, but wants to write a song anyway.
36. When told by teacher to get out, will respond "Sure why not." but won't move.
37. Uses weight training to relieve sexual frustration.
38. Doesn't want others to see family.
39. Suddenly becomes picky about those in the service industry (waitresses, salesmen, etc.)
40. Becomes interested in gambling and starts to predict horse races, but can't actually bet on them.
41. Starts to care about the environment, but then immediately sinks into despair.
42. Thinks a triple is sexier than a home run.
43. Thinks briefs are lame and wears boxers instead.
44. Gets into FF or DQ and wants to be a game designer, but only thinks of weapons and at most a gaiden chapter's plot.
45. Buys sunglasses.
46. When mother asks "where are you going?" Answers: "outside."
47. Wants to start a band, but didn't.
48. Sometimes will follow trend and buy stuff like key rings and other small things.
49. Will think all female classmates as victims on the buses.
50. Thinks of self as a literary after reading Akagawa Jirou (Similarly, thinks of self as a critic after reading Ni Kuang)
51. Suddenly starts to listen to music with a strong emphasis on bass.
52. Smokes when on a field trip.
53. Suddenly thinks the old hobby of card/figure collection is childish, and hurries to remove all evidence.
54. During shower, will pull hair briefly upwards to see how it looks int he mirror.
55. Says "I am me and no one else."
56. Mixes all drinks together at drink bars.
57. Thinks can get a girlfriend in high school.
58. Critiques mercilessly on professional critique.
59. Thinks "Documentaries = fake, game shows = inane, and news = blind records" but won't turn off the TV.
60. When joking, will ad hominem some friend nearby. If the friend gets angry, then will tell friend to chill the fuck out it's a joke, but if the friend ripostes, will get pissed off and start a fight.
61. Will be concerned with and look up the definition of "Sophomore Disease"
62. Has a certain weird requirement for online handles, and sound extremely fake.
63. Will give self some weird titles, like "Member of X website, Friend of Y, Administrator of Z" or applies some weird neologism label from the net even if it only applies tenuously, in order to be unique.
64. Thinks that they're not afflicted with Sophomore Disease.
65. When in trouble from own indiscretion, will never reflect on their own action and instead blame everyone else.
66. Will rewrite songs/textbooks into pornographic variants.

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